I spent last evening filling out the new patient forms for the surgeon appointment and realized, for the first time, the pattern of breast cancer on the maternal side of my family. It was so difficult to piece together the dates and ages of the women in my family who had fought the battle of breast cancer - it required several texts to my mother and cousin who then had to do their own research. It made me wish that we had used some of our family gatherings to document this type of health information not only for the current generation but for those to come. Clearly, our family has a strong tendency towards female cancers - uterine, breast, and ovarian.
My new year back to work distraction is gone and the reality of cancer is again staring me in the face! I thought I would have no problem compartmentalizing my breast surgeon appointment this afternoon until at least noon today but I am already anxious, already dreading what I'm going to hear, already struggling to think about anything else, and already on the verge of tears.
Why is this diagnosis of early stage cancer so life altering, so jarring, so scary, so consuming?
Friends and family have been texting me this morning, words of love and encouragement - they are also anxious for news. Cancer hasn't only affected me but those who love and care about me.
I hate this . . .